reality

Here we are. The Onething Conference is here. The conference that I always loved to go to as a single or married person, who could change my plans at the last minute and be spontaneous. To hang out with friends and have a blast meeting up with other friends. I love past memories and the rush of 25,000+ people worshiping God together and the beat of the bass and drums in my chest. I love feeling like I'm there in the middle of it, experiencing it for myself, participating. It's quite a rush. I get so let down if I feel like I miss it. That was my reality then.
This is my reality now. I'm confined to my home. Now, I have a family. A husband who works full time (thanks baby!),a toddler, whose attention span is the size of a peanut and who loves to run away from me in crowds thinking were playing "hide and seek". And who finds herself needing to snack every hour. All those ideals in my head of past conferences are thrown out the window. All this leads me to top 10 reasons why its better to stay home from the annual Onething Conference:
1. Parking is free.
2. You can watch worship and teaching notes in your pj's and curl up in a blanket on your couch.
3. You can take notes on your labtop, verses trying to scribble somthing down with a screaming toddler wanting to walk up and down the aisles.
4. You don't have to wait in line for the bathroom while your toddler is crying hysterically, "doodoo!!doodoo!!!" loud enough to draw a crowd.
5. You can bring "food and drink" into each session with you. (thank God, because I'm pregnant!)
6.You can take an immediate nap in between sessions. (versus trying to drive your kid around so they can nap, or driving home for a nap then repaying for parking later on)
7. No one has to save you a seat.
8. Your toddler can play to their little hearts content with accesible toys, as you bawl your eyes out hearing a message you've already heard before.
9. No registration lines.
10. You can literally sit on your butt and not have to walk up and down 2 flights of stairs, across the street fighting traffic, or 2 miles length of a conference center later to your seat. With no foldup stroller, toddler in the crook of your arms, diaper bag, food bag and bulky coats and hats and scarves.

Whew! I feel better just talking about it. Thanks for letting me get that out. While people are getting their worlds and mindsets rocked, my mindset and my world is getting rocked by how limited I feel as a parent and how to enjoy these unenjoyable moments of motherhood, nomatter how confined I feel, or left out I feel. It's just not true. I am not left out. I am blessed beyond belief. I have a home and a beautiful family. I can enter in to what the Lord is saying through wonderful teachers. I can accept the invitation to love well and to go low. Even though I feel like a failure as a mother when I lose my temper and throw food on the floor in frustration to my toddler throwing food on the floor that I cooked for her, I am being enjoyed by God. He loves me in my beautiful mess. And teaching me what it means to lay down my life. My selfish nature resists it, but my heart is learning to let go and just be where I'm at.