pause

I'm reading a book right now that's like sitting over coffee and talking to another friend. It's so good.  It ministers to my heart in this season because I wish I could slow time down a little. My girls are growing up so fast and my heart aches at each new milestone. Overjoyed ... yet sad. Is there a way to slow time down? By giving my full attention to the moment.  I was reminded that it's not time that flies by, it's me that flies by! In a whirlwind of deadlines and things to get done I forget to slow down and concentrate on the little ones before me. I tried it today, and time seemed to go slower. Maybe it was just me that needed to slow down?

this summer

 Our gardens and herbs in the beginning were great, but soon the deer and squirrels ate the rest. We learned a lot. My grandpa just built an enclosure over it complete with a door for next spring.

 We ate outside a lot. Garth is the best griller and my excuse to not cook. Eden loves "torn".

 We tried to get as much fresh air as possible before the 110 degree weather hit us for a month.

 During the 4th of July we spent it with chickens and goast and gardens on a ywam base.

 Sister love.

 The pool membership was worth every dollar. We used it during the said heat wave.

 The girls' first pro soccer game, kansas city sporting.

 Bike frustration.

Who doesn't love to be swung back and forth?  This summer was full of fun. I didn't have pics of all the outings with our favorite friends and neighbors the shjandemaars, at the petting zoo the real zoo and the spray parks. We love you summer! Come again soon please!

The heart of it all

There's nothing like a heart attack to wake one up. My father had one 2 weeks ago and the doctors were amazed that he had survived. All 4 major arteries leading to the heart were either 80% to 99% clogged and he had made several trips to Colorado this year hiking up mountains, breathing thin air and working hard. He is a living miracle. He used to just want to sleep whenever he had spare time ... apparently a result of not getting enough blood supply to his heart and brain. After his quadruple bypass this past week, he's finally home and recovering. It's been hard not to tell jokes (I swear thats his love language) because they literally sawed open his rib cage/sternum and had to sew it shut with wire. Any laughing is excruciatingly painful. Every  time I look at him I am amazed he's still here with us. It is like I'm living through the greatest miracle....my dad is alive. God is so merciful! His mercies are new every morning ...Great is His Faithfulness!

homecoming

We are thrilled at our precious little girls arrival! She is so easy natured and peaceful. She hardly cries and when she does she has this little squeak in it that sounds like a sqeaky dog toy, its precious!! Our hearts are full and Eden is so excited. She has been incredibly loving, nurturing like a little mama, and sweet in every way to her little sister. We couldn't ask for a smoother transition in these first days. Our first night home Avery slept through, without a cry (feedings in there of course)! I slept great ...although Eden fought going to bed throughout the night and Garth was up putting a hysterical 2 year old to bed for a few hours. Talk about reversal huh? How we love our girls!

four inch fox fur

In honor of her grandma Sue, I've posted a picture of them together in February. I would have never gotten the outfit for Eden except it was a hand me down from a wealthy family, and I just reduce to a fit of giggles each time she wears it. It's pretty stinkin cute. So here they are decked out in all their glory. I love animals and not a big fan of furs but what the heck? Fox, rabbit and baby seal keep you warm.

spring celebration

I want to say spring has been here for weeks now, but we've been having incredibly sunny warm days and then a week of cold rain and clouds. Particularly on Edens birthday, yesterday, the 1st. Despite the 50 degree weather and wet ground, we still pulled off a super fun party. It was a lot of fun to decorate and make handmade things here and there. It was a spring/bird themed party. Eden loves birds (so do I). There were some special touches, a banner (I made ages ago), flower cut out fruit kabobs, and my favorite korean bbq on sticks. The house was crammed jammed to its capacity and it overflowed into our back patio (thank goodness!). I was overwhelmed by the love and support of our friends just to come and celebrate life. Each year is a beautiful thing to watch my girl blossom and grow into who God made her to uniquely be. She brings such joy to my heart. It was a day to remember always. Looking back I get all giddy inside just thinking about it. Happy Birthday, Eden, you are such a gift.

It's been awhile since i've posted. I feel like if its beautiful and sunny out, we are probably outside basking in it. I can't get enough sun therapy ... and dirt therapy. Why does it feel so good to just dig in the dirt, pull weeds, and plant stuff? It has been cool to see things grow from seed and transplant outdoors. I hope they survive this cold! Its the simple things in life I guess. This entire week has been cold, rainy and overcast and with it I've been sleepy and grumpy. But the good news is the sun will come out on edens birthday this coming sunday. We plan to celebrate outside, and have food, snacks and friends along with a grandma in town to boot. It makes me happy just thinking about it. And we are slowly getting the babys room done, thanks to my wonderful handy hubby. Thankfully, he is completely thorough and a little project ends up being a massive tearing out of walls, windows just to expose patches of rotten wood, and mold. He sure does get to the root of the problem. I know by his diligence and desire to do things the right way will in the long run save us from a headache of other things.
My sweet friend and neighbor just had her precious baby girl 3 weeks ago and I am longing for the day when I can hold my little girl close too. She made up the cutest nursery you can imagine and I'm swirling full of ideas and inspiration (I'll probably be a copycat with the color scheme.) All that to say, the bossoms are on the trees, flowers in the yard...green keeps getting greener and my heart is full.

Right now...

My house smells like burnt onions.

the secret blessing of being hidden

I could say that along with the joy and sweetness of this season of life, watching my family grow and the laughter and thankfulness for it all, there is a quiet loneliness of being hidden. Old friends no longer in contact despite pursuing them, the glorious shift of seasons and moving on and still loving them despite it all. (oh, how I love them! wonderful, dear friends) But being forced to confront and cultivate the very most important of friendships. A friendship that I often get caught up in being busy with activity verses just adoring. My bridegroom, who wants me to return to with all of my heart, soul and mind. Who would like me to count everything else as loss for the sake of knowing Him. The one who will cut me free from the encumberances that entangle me so I can finish the race well. I realized that even if being hidden or forgotten hurts, its my gift! One person, God-man sees the hidden things in my thoughts. The hidden things no one else sees in my heart. My motives. It's all laid bare before His eyes. At first I cried at this reality because I saw how evil I really am. Now, as I'm comming back to Him...I hear Him whisper "Be hidden in me." He forgives the brokenhearted repentant heart. He draws near to those who draw near to Him. Those who run into Him are saved. I cannot save myself. But He can and He did and He still does. I am forced to address the broken cistern I've been drinking from, and turn to the fountain of life. And drink deeply. He is so satisfying, why did I ever turn away?

lovely mess

Today I blew eden a kiss and she swooned and fell back saying, "Whoa!" with a grin and a twinkle in her eye. Thats the routine she usually does with her daddy, she'll blow him kisses and he'll fall back and faint. Ahh...love those silly moments.
Thank God for silly moments to make up for the agravating ones. She also dumped out any glass of water or juice she could get her hands on today and looked me straight in the eye as she did it on the carpet, couch, floors...oh she cleaned it all up, I made sure of that, and apologized her carefree, "sorry!"
But honestly, at the end of the day she's awesome. I'm so in love with her! I feel that my heavenly father feels the same way about us in our messes.

elated

Notice it says, elated not belated...although it does seem a little later than the last time we found out. Getting onto it...were having a baby...girl!! We are thrilled, estatic, joyful, hopeful, absolutely tickled among other emotions. I love how Eden will have a little sister to play with and have her sister as a best friend. Even better, little Elsie across the street (who is arriving in April!) will have a little friend close to her age. I love this sweet season! And I love sweet neighbors who are literally such a ray of sunshine and encouragement to my heart. Thanks Ashton!

critical time

It's been a new season. I can't say that I'm all that concerned about the baby's nursery anymore...I still am going to rearrange and make one, but I won't be putting so much time, thought, and energy into it. If I may be completely honest.
Begining right now actually I'm in a place where I am cutting out most of my entertainment, blog surfing, online ideas and inspirations that consume much of my day. They literally fill my mind and consume me. I need to cut out the encumberances, the distractions. I need my heart to be free from the things that bind me. To see and hear clearly.
Life as we know it in america, I feel, will change drastically very soon. As a mother, I feel the dilema of fighting fear in my heart and trusting the Lord when our system breaks down soon in many ways, because it already is begining to. But I realized I have little depth or roots in the Lord right now. I am sowing to the wind. I am not sowing to righteousness to things that will anchor my soul in times of shaking. This is what is going to change because I cannot afford to waste my time and pretend things wont happen (natural disasters, terrorism, food shortages, discipline of the Lord to wake us up) or things will get easier. They won't.
The encouraging thing is I can experience the glory of God today. Now. I choose that. I choose to hope that in the sound discipline of God, people of the earth learn righteousness. That the Lord offends our minds to reveal our hearts. That he's after our hearts and He will use whatever measure to wake us up and shake us. Were worth too much to Him to let things be the way they are. We have fallen asleep in so many ways and lived a life of comfort and luxery as a nation. And greed is like an idol.
This is a critical time in our nation. There is really the need to be before the Lord.
On a practical level, I have a family and our priorities have radically shifted. The top 10 things on our to do lists have been crossed out and now there are new top 10 things to do that can really affect life. I don't mean to be heavy, its just reality now. My thinking is shifting and my heart is rending to the one hope we have. My eyes are looking up. Lord, keep us steadfast under trials that we may be conformed to your Son, and that you would recieve the desire of your heart! Burn away the distractions or give me strength to say no to them, so you are the important thing in my life again.

redirecting

When asking for a verse for this year I couldn't get past a verse in my daily reading in 2 Thes. 3:5. "Now may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ." I have wanted so many other verses for this year that seem beautiful or appealing to me. This is definetly what the Holy Spirit is saying to my heart.
The past month or so I've felt ... stuck and foggy. It's been difficult to press through and to feel the presence of God. It's been dry in the word. I've been irritable, mean to my most loved ones, and stuck in selfishness. I suppose it doesn't help being home with me all day. Thank God for eden who keeps me on my toes and falling in love with her beautiful vibrant spirit. But I truly need my heart to be redirected into the love of God. Simple as that. So much deeper than that.
And into the patience of Christ. Ohh buddy. As I'm trying to pray through eden being patient in the little things like waiting for me to fill her juice cup or put food on her plate, in the meantime I'm losing my patience over her losing her patience! Who does she learn it from?
All that to say, I want the evidence of the fruits of the Spirit. In my life, in my daughter's life. To know the riches of His love in the deepest part of me, and to be transformed to a person. Who is longsuffering. Patient. Kind. I want to look like Him. I want to be joyful in serving my family. In scrubbing the floors, in washing poop diapers, and being unthanked. To be the servant of all. That my life would testify that I will deny myself to glorify Jesus. That He is beautiful, radiant, and an all consuming lover and totally worth hating the fleeting things of this world and turning away just to know Him. Knowing Him is the greatest pursuit of my life. He is the most glorified when I am satisfied in Him. -John Piper

changing rooms

Anyone ever need a change of scenery? I'm at the point where I want to rearrange the entire house and redo Eden's room for someone else coming in late June. Which also means a girl gets a new room! It's pathetic how I love to repaint and start a fresh project when reality is I've probably got a budget of currently $10. Nonetheless, I have some tricks up my sleeve at some random items in each room that can lend some charm to a little girls' room. Use what you have, paint some things and viola! I'm up for the challenge.