It's been awhile since i've posted. I feel like if its beautiful and sunny out, we are probably outside basking in it. I can't get enough sun therapy ... and dirt therapy. Why does it feel so good to just dig in the dirt, pull weeds, and plant stuff? It has been cool to see things grow from seed and transplant outdoors. I hope they survive this cold! Its the simple things in life I guess. This entire week has been cold, rainy and overcast and with it I've been sleepy and grumpy. But the good news is the sun will come out on edens birthday this coming sunday. We plan to celebrate outside, and have food, snacks and friends along with a grandma in town to boot. It makes me happy just thinking about it. And we are slowly getting the babys room done, thanks to my wonderful handy hubby. Thankfully, he is completely thorough and a little project ends up being a massive tearing out of walls, windows just to expose patches of rotten wood, and mold. He sure does get to the root of the problem. I know by his diligence and desire to do things the right way will in the long run save us from a headache of other things.
My sweet friend and neighbor just had her precious baby girl 3 weeks ago and I am longing for the day when I can hold my little girl close too. She made up the cutest nursery you can imagine and I'm swirling full of ideas and inspiration (I'll probably be a copycat with the color scheme.) All that to say, the bossoms are on the trees, flowers in the yard...green keeps getting greener and my heart is full.

Right now...

My house smells like burnt onions.

the secret blessing of being hidden

I could say that along with the joy and sweetness of this season of life, watching my family grow and the laughter and thankfulness for it all, there is a quiet loneliness of being hidden. Old friends no longer in contact despite pursuing them, the glorious shift of seasons and moving on and still loving them despite it all. (oh, how I love them! wonderful, dear friends) But being forced to confront and cultivate the very most important of friendships. A friendship that I often get caught up in being busy with activity verses just adoring. My bridegroom, who wants me to return to with all of my heart, soul and mind. Who would like me to count everything else as loss for the sake of knowing Him. The one who will cut me free from the encumberances that entangle me so I can finish the race well. I realized that even if being hidden or forgotten hurts, its my gift! One person, God-man sees the hidden things in my thoughts. The hidden things no one else sees in my heart. My motives. It's all laid bare before His eyes. At first I cried at this reality because I saw how evil I really am. Now, as I'm comming back to Him...I hear Him whisper "Be hidden in me." He forgives the brokenhearted repentant heart. He draws near to those who draw near to Him. Those who run into Him are saved. I cannot save myself. But He can and He did and He still does. I am forced to address the broken cistern I've been drinking from, and turn to the fountain of life. And drink deeply. He is so satisfying, why did I ever turn away?

lovely mess

Today I blew eden a kiss and she swooned and fell back saying, "Whoa!" with a grin and a twinkle in her eye. Thats the routine she usually does with her daddy, she'll blow him kisses and he'll fall back and faint. Ahh...love those silly moments.
Thank God for silly moments to make up for the agravating ones. She also dumped out any glass of water or juice she could get her hands on today and looked me straight in the eye as she did it on the carpet, couch, floors...oh she cleaned it all up, I made sure of that, and apologized her carefree, "sorry!"
But honestly, at the end of the day she's awesome. I'm so in love with her! I feel that my heavenly father feels the same way about us in our messes.

elated

Notice it says, elated not belated...although it does seem a little later than the last time we found out. Getting onto it...were having a baby...girl!! We are thrilled, estatic, joyful, hopeful, absolutely tickled among other emotions. I love how Eden will have a little sister to play with and have her sister as a best friend. Even better, little Elsie across the street (who is arriving in April!) will have a little friend close to her age. I love this sweet season! And I love sweet neighbors who are literally such a ray of sunshine and encouragement to my heart. Thanks Ashton!

critical time

It's been a new season. I can't say that I'm all that concerned about the baby's nursery anymore...I still am going to rearrange and make one, but I won't be putting so much time, thought, and energy into it. If I may be completely honest.
Begining right now actually I'm in a place where I am cutting out most of my entertainment, blog surfing, online ideas and inspirations that consume much of my day. They literally fill my mind and consume me. I need to cut out the encumberances, the distractions. I need my heart to be free from the things that bind me. To see and hear clearly.
Life as we know it in america, I feel, will change drastically very soon. As a mother, I feel the dilema of fighting fear in my heart and trusting the Lord when our system breaks down soon in many ways, because it already is begining to. But I realized I have little depth or roots in the Lord right now. I am sowing to the wind. I am not sowing to righteousness to things that will anchor my soul in times of shaking. This is what is going to change because I cannot afford to waste my time and pretend things wont happen (natural disasters, terrorism, food shortages, discipline of the Lord to wake us up) or things will get easier. They won't.
The encouraging thing is I can experience the glory of God today. Now. I choose that. I choose to hope that in the sound discipline of God, people of the earth learn righteousness. That the Lord offends our minds to reveal our hearts. That he's after our hearts and He will use whatever measure to wake us up and shake us. Were worth too much to Him to let things be the way they are. We have fallen asleep in so many ways and lived a life of comfort and luxery as a nation. And greed is like an idol.
This is a critical time in our nation. There is really the need to be before the Lord.
On a practical level, I have a family and our priorities have radically shifted. The top 10 things on our to do lists have been crossed out and now there are new top 10 things to do that can really affect life. I don't mean to be heavy, its just reality now. My thinking is shifting and my heart is rending to the one hope we have. My eyes are looking up. Lord, keep us steadfast under trials that we may be conformed to your Son, and that you would recieve the desire of your heart! Burn away the distractions or give me strength to say no to them, so you are the important thing in my life again.

redirecting

When asking for a verse for this year I couldn't get past a verse in my daily reading in 2 Thes. 3:5. "Now may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ." I have wanted so many other verses for this year that seem beautiful or appealing to me. This is definetly what the Holy Spirit is saying to my heart.
The past month or so I've felt ... stuck and foggy. It's been difficult to press through and to feel the presence of God. It's been dry in the word. I've been irritable, mean to my most loved ones, and stuck in selfishness. I suppose it doesn't help being home with me all day. Thank God for eden who keeps me on my toes and falling in love with her beautiful vibrant spirit. But I truly need my heart to be redirected into the love of God. Simple as that. So much deeper than that.
And into the patience of Christ. Ohh buddy. As I'm trying to pray through eden being patient in the little things like waiting for me to fill her juice cup or put food on her plate, in the meantime I'm losing my patience over her losing her patience! Who does she learn it from?
All that to say, I want the evidence of the fruits of the Spirit. In my life, in my daughter's life. To know the riches of His love in the deepest part of me, and to be transformed to a person. Who is longsuffering. Patient. Kind. I want to look like Him. I want to be joyful in serving my family. In scrubbing the floors, in washing poop diapers, and being unthanked. To be the servant of all. That my life would testify that I will deny myself to glorify Jesus. That He is beautiful, radiant, and an all consuming lover and totally worth hating the fleeting things of this world and turning away just to know Him. Knowing Him is the greatest pursuit of my life. He is the most glorified when I am satisfied in Him. -John Piper

changing rooms

Anyone ever need a change of scenery? I'm at the point where I want to rearrange the entire house and redo Eden's room for someone else coming in late June. Which also means a girl gets a new room! It's pathetic how I love to repaint and start a fresh project when reality is I've probably got a budget of currently $10. Nonetheless, I have some tricks up my sleeve at some random items in each room that can lend some charm to a little girls' room. Use what you have, paint some things and viola! I'm up for the challenge.

reality

Here we are. The Onething Conference is here. The conference that I always loved to go to as a single or married person, who could change my plans at the last minute and be spontaneous. To hang out with friends and have a blast meeting up with other friends. I love past memories and the rush of 25,000+ people worshiping God together and the beat of the bass and drums in my chest. I love feeling like I'm there in the middle of it, experiencing it for myself, participating. It's quite a rush. I get so let down if I feel like I miss it. That was my reality then.
This is my reality now. I'm confined to my home. Now, I have a family. A husband who works full time (thanks baby!),a toddler, whose attention span is the size of a peanut and who loves to run away from me in crowds thinking were playing "hide and seek". And who finds herself needing to snack every hour. All those ideals in my head of past conferences are thrown out the window. All this leads me to top 10 reasons why its better to stay home from the annual Onething Conference:
1. Parking is free.
2. You can watch worship and teaching notes in your pj's and curl up in a blanket on your couch.
3. You can take notes on your labtop, verses trying to scribble somthing down with a screaming toddler wanting to walk up and down the aisles.
4. You don't have to wait in line for the bathroom while your toddler is crying hysterically, "doodoo!!doodoo!!!" loud enough to draw a crowd.
5. You can bring "food and drink" into each session with you. (thank God, because I'm pregnant!)
6.You can take an immediate nap in between sessions. (versus trying to drive your kid around so they can nap, or driving home for a nap then repaying for parking later on)
7. No one has to save you a seat.
8. Your toddler can play to their little hearts content with accesible toys, as you bawl your eyes out hearing a message you've already heard before.
9. No registration lines.
10. You can literally sit on your butt and not have to walk up and down 2 flights of stairs, across the street fighting traffic, or 2 miles length of a conference center later to your seat. With no foldup stroller, toddler in the crook of your arms, diaper bag, food bag and bulky coats and hats and scarves.

Whew! I feel better just talking about it. Thanks for letting me get that out. While people are getting their worlds and mindsets rocked, my mindset and my world is getting rocked by how limited I feel as a parent and how to enjoy these unenjoyable moments of motherhood, nomatter how confined I feel, or left out I feel. It's just not true. I am not left out. I am blessed beyond belief. I have a home and a beautiful family. I can enter in to what the Lord is saying through wonderful teachers. I can accept the invitation to love well and to go low. Even though I feel like a failure as a mother when I lose my temper and throw food on the floor in frustration to my toddler throwing food on the floor that I cooked for her, I am being enjoyed by God. He loves me in my beautiful mess. And teaching me what it means to lay down my life. My selfish nature resists it, but my heart is learning to let go and just be where I'm at.

Lets adore Him

What a surprise it was to wake up this morning to thick fluffy snowflakes rushing down from the sky! I felt as giddy as a little kid. Hot tea and cinnamon toast were on the menu for breakfast. May you be blessed as you reflect on the love of God and His great pursuit of humanity! From our family to yours.

Christmas is personal

A few days ago I was flipping through the book of Isaiah, and dang. I found myself remembering a mother challenging her kids to write down the prophesies of Jesus in the OT and then finding how He fulfilled them. I just began in Isaiah, because it is packed full of them. There are tons of endtime prophesies aswell but I had to leave those behind since they are yet to be fulfilled. (exciting and terrible)Let me tell you ... if you are having a blah, can't get past your own yuck, I suck kinda day, read through Isaiah or any OT book and search for Jesus. You will most definetly find Him woven through the pages screaming Here I am! For instance, my heart literally pounds out of my chest when I read, "Come near me, hear this: I have not spoken in secret from the begining. From the time that it was, I was there. And now the Lord God and His Spirit have sent Me." (48:16) or "Listen oh coastlands, to Me and take heed, you people from afar. The Lord has called me from the womb. From the matrix of my mother He has made mention of my name. And He has made my mouth like a sharp sword; in the shadow of His hand He has hidden me." (49:1) and others proclaiming "Behold, I myself will give you a sign, the virgin shall concieve and bear a son and call His name Immanuel."
Now how can you stay cranky (because I managed to before doing this) while reading these!? It's a sure way to feel the vehement desire that God has for you! His Zeal performed this. He had your name in mind when He purposed it since the begining of time. The Christmas season is personal. The Father gave us His Son as a gift and we will be given as a blameless bride as a gift to His Son. The Holy God came to be born in a dirty manger, and the same Holy God wants to be born and live in my dirty heart. May I be transformed in His image day by day! Come Lord Jesus come! We miss you and we love you. We want you to come back.

thin mint recipe

Today Eden and I will hand deliver our homemade goodies to our nearest neighbors. Thin mints are really easy to make and heres the recipe.
You'll need:
1 box or more, of ritz crackers
semi sweet chocolate squares
crushed candy canes
peppermint extract

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler (or microwave, we dont have one). Once melted add peppermint extract to taste. (a few drops) Dip the crackers in one by one and put aside on wax paper or foil. Before it dries sprinkle crushed candy canes on top. Voila! Your done. You may want to chill them in the fridge, or garage. These are yummy...they go fast.

advent calendar

Tonight on a whim I whipped up an advent calendar. I used some white mini envelopes as a template to make some brown paper sack ones from my recycling bin. (only because I ran out of white, and honestly needed whatever was laying around the house) I added random buttons I found laying around. For each day, I may sneak in an andes mint or somthing sweet along with who Jesus is. For the entire month, I want to focus on the person Jesus and His characer. Then turning it into a mini devotional. For example, "Immanuel, Prince of Peace, Everlasting God, Saviour, Bridegroom, Judge, King of Kings..." Short but sweet. This mornings devo was so simple, but Eden loved it!
Me: Immanuel, why is God called God with us? We were separated from Him when man sinned and heaven was closed to man. God came as Jesus, as a baby who grew to be a man and since He was blameless He took on our sins and exchanged His life for ours. He opened heaven that was once closed, and put His Holy Spirit in us who believe, love and follow Jesus with all our hearts, minds and lives. God is now with us!
So simple! but the gospel 101.

market

I figured we can still have a farmers market even in the middle of winter, right? Instead of buying a huge stand, I used whatever I had laying around. Her felt fruit goes in one basket, her tea set in the other. The daily sale changes, for instance today apples are only 10 cents! Hooray! She can sort through her produce with these baskets given as a gift made in africa. It feels like a real market.

Christmas spirit

I got the fresh white pine garlands up on the doorposts and doorways, put up my pinecone flower wreath and pomander, and it is official. I love the smell of pine. So much. That's why I love real christmas trees because it's so nostalgic to remember those snowy nights and stare at the lights and drink in the fragrance. I am excited to make an acorn tree tommorow, and if it doesnt take long, I may make a few as gifts! It should end up looking like this. We shall see if thats realistic! There will be no christmas tree this year, but in its place is a pine candle which is delicious. What gifts are you making handmade this year?

agent of His

As I reflect on this week, I realize that nomatter what I did, significant or insignificant someone was watching. Eden was, yes, but the Lord was watching the motives of my heart, the attitudes hidden deep inside, and the way I responded to chaos. Can I admitt I was tired this week? Disgruntled, grumpy, lazy...and short tempered. Through all of my yuck, when my child looked up at me and had a need or asked to play or even when dealing with discipline, the way I responded to her was a picture to her of who and how God is. I am an agent of His. I reflect His heart to her and I am one of the ways she will know who He is by me showing her. Did I fail miserably? I think so. Was I intentional and give my best? With what I had, I gave what I could. Most of all, even on rough days, I want her to see joy so uncontainable pouring through my being. That is the Holy Spirit inside of me. When I am so utterly weak or discouraged I can commune with a living person inside of me who constantly tells me He will strengthen me, He will never leave me, He loves me. And He is honest but so kind! And He is faithful as I let Him to transform me from the inside out to look more like that beautiful man in heaven, the God-man Jesus. Let love and humility be worked inside of me on the days I feel the weakest as a mother. More of you, less of me, God!

words of life

There's somthing about speaking truth over your children. Truth over their lives, who they are, and how God sees them. "You are loved" is the phrase I've had up this week. I love seeing this in her room, because it reminds me I'm loved too.

abc's

I really want to use what I have around the house and saw an idea from a website to make your own fabric alphabet letters. So, I went into my sewing room and viola! Im not done yet..but its a start. I may put magnets on the back of them to put on the fridge or I may just put them on her wall or not. We will see. Here is her new bookshelf in our living room. I decided to have it turned toward us during the day for her to use as she likes, then once its time to clean up for the evening, I'll turn it around so she can't reach anything to pull it out. I love how the books are in the rooms of the house! I can't get over how charming it is.

distractions

Why does it seem when I want to get stuff done that I only get slowed down? The joys of mothering! Mind you, its totally worth it somtimes to throw my chore out the window and grab my little girl into my arms and play. Today, I cleaned out the fridge and it happened to be nasty. I turned my back for a second and my little girl was playing in the yucky growth stuff in the bottom of my fridge floating in water. Then the next second found her beating on the milk carton like a drum. I think I had to redirect her out of the kitchen several times, when I finally realized there is a gate for a reason! Life would be so boring without kids.

village of peg people

This is what I worked on one afternoon when I saw a video game that had backgrounds made out of cardboard and crayon and fabric. Eden loves to run around the house with these English houses tucked in the nook of her arm. It does add to playing with peg people and imagining them living in these little cottages. It's really simple but really fun.